Letter to Poline from Aron
April 16, 1914
Kishinev to Paris
Rue Vieille du Temple 41
Wednesday 16/29 April 14, 1914
My dear friend, my soul, for days after I feel much better now and I can reply to your letter as of the 23rd Wednesday. I went to Shika to the store and I called you. You were at Tsillie’s. It happened that day, that evening actually, when you refused and I went home and a few days after you came. Remember in what condition you saw me. Now I feel exactly the same way after I received that letter. Even worse. But everything will get better. I’ll forget it. All this time when you were here, we talked a lot, we discussed out future, and we both have decided that it is not possible for us to stay in Russia because all we have to do is hard work there. I know American life but I picture it worse than it is. If you hadn’t been in Paris yet but in Kishinev, we still have time to think it over. We are divided now. One is in Paris, and the other half is in Kishinev. But the soul cannot live without a heart for a long time. That’s why and I think and want how we can be united to be a whole. I don’t need anything more than to be with you and hug you for ¼ hour. From your letter I understood that you wrote it being [under] the influence of your sister’s letter. But maybe my brain doesn’t function. I still couldn’t understand this letter and the next postcard you sent to me. I understand everything you’re talking about and even more, but how can we know what is lying ahead of us? Am I a sinner in God’s eyes? Why do I have to suffer that much? Do I have to be the right one? And does it have to be the way I see it? We both have to agree about it, because you told me to do whatever I want to. I know on my side there are no obstacles are you were saying, but you are against the “yellow evil” and very sure that you are right. With regards to Paris – if I want to go there or not. I still didn’t get those three letters. I don’t understand, Polinka. What do you want to say? Why are you doing that? My personal feeling is that we don’t have to be afraid of anything to take more difficulties instead of all the time. The husband of your Goldstein died. May he rest in peace.
I am writing now. I couldn’t sleep for the whole night. I can get crazy from all those thoughts. I didn’t understand your last postcard. You are saying you are against the yellow evil and you’re not saying about Paris. What does it nean? How should I do it? I almost left the store. Maybe it’s time for me to go to Paris and not to America. There is only one way. We have to keep trying. We are young people able to work. The future doesn’t scare me. Yesterday I received a letter from my sister very different than the one…
I don’t want you to worry too much about the future. If we will be going toward it, then God will help us. Quit that heaviness, my dear soul. Let the happiness come to you, the happiness that we will be together soon, and then we will see. I am very worried at this moment about your toothache. Please take care of it and get well. In my previous letter, I wrote to you already that I am going to get my passport, but now there are some difficulties and now I have another side of this story. It appears that I am not going to have a passport, but everything will be clear only during the last days of this month. I believe I will travel without it. I will stay at the store until the 25th and I told you the reason why, I had an incident with that scoundrel today regarding my quitting and we almost hit each other. I will tell everything in details later. I wanted to describe many things to you, but my friends came and then I had dizziness, lost the idea and don’t know how to start. After I received your letter, I responded with a card with my decision. These is no other way around. We are young people. We don’t have to be afraid of anything, whatever we meet on our way. Why you don’t want any newspapers anymore? Please tell me immediately. This morning on Monday, I sent you 15 rubles. If your outfit is ready already, congratulations. I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart and all the happiness. In the evening of the same day I sent you a letter, which means the 14th of April, today during my lunch I send you a card and newspapers and now in the evening, this letter. Can you see how much I write to you? Please answer, Polinka if you received everything. You are suppose to receive a letter from America with a shipscard. By that time I will be there with you. My dear soul, don’t be afraid of anything. Stay well. I strongly want to be beside you. What kind of dictionary are you thinking about? A French one of in general of foreign words? Just one thing. I want to hug you, feel you, my God, my feelings towards you are really high. I am forgetting at this moment about everything. I am only thinking about that moment of happiness when I finally will see you again. Sometimes it feels like because I am too excited I feel very weak, so my heart is going apart from me. Why are you, darling, looking ten years older? Is it possible? Why did you change so much within this time in this miserable city of Paris? Uncle Ooch will come soon and you will be feeling better. We will be living happily. At this time, I hug you and kiss you many times. Give me your lips, my dear. I want to kiss them like crazy. Petinka, your beloved heart. Greetings to yours until I see you again and good night. It is 1:30. I want to sleep.