Aron’s Notebook Pages 24 to 29 are a draft of a letter to Polya, February 22, 1914.
To compare: February 22, 1914 no envelope.
The result of this entire week: This week made me happy- I received two letters and two postcards from you. Yesterday when I came home I found your postcard with the view of Luxemburg Museum. I like this view very much, and I thank you for your understanding.
My dear friend, my unforgettable comrade of my life!!! I salute you. I want to be with you.
It gives me the blues. Terrible! Today is Saturday. I woke up very early today. As usual I wake up at 4 or 5 o’clock and stay in bed till 7. Just imagine what kind of thoughts I can have, they drive me crazy. I can’t stop thinking about you. I am bound up with you and you only. I am under a big influence of love towards you. Perhaps the destiny tied us up together that it is impossible even to think how we could live separately.
I strongly believe you are in love with me. I strongly believe in your high valued feelings towards me, and for that please accept my uncountable reciprocity. It is Saturday morning, at this time I would take you for a walk around Sadovaya (Garden) Street or to the park or to the garden. Do you want to walk with your beloved friend around the city? But I must sit at home, and I take a quill and write a letter…. (word unclear –S.A.)… It is very important; it is like oxygen to me. In return I have a dream about a happy future, when this hellish separation will end.
My soul will resurrect, and that happy hour will come when I will be able to hug my beloved friend hysterically in our live, and kiss him on the lips (this is a verbatim translation, it is not clear to me what he means by ‘hysterically in our live’ and why he refers to Polina as him-S.A.)
It is horrible because my soul tears apart due to the strong fearful fret, my heart is racing like the beat of a drum, and it seems to me that during that happy moment my heart will rip off. I imagine the possibility of being with you alone in a room where you are lying in bed, and I will be sitting beside you. You will sing to me my beloved song, and I will unbraid your chestnut hair…….God, damn it! It is impossible, I want to live to see it. I can’t think about anything else.
Leaving my parents, brothers, sisters, acquaintances and all relatives, a very sensible wave is throwing me to the long path towards my beloved friend, to whom my heart and my life belong. For the sake of this difficult life I am begging you Pulen’ka to be cheerful. Because of longing you can get sick, you are afraid of this grandiose… (word unclear –S.A.) Don’t you know that your mood is killing me? I don’t think you want to kill me. I suggest you throw away all gloomy thoughts.
For the sake of that saint day for both of us try to live well, without worrying, without longing. Get well. I am very happy that you and Dad went for the Seine boat trip. About the dental equipment, if you find that it is wise and appropriate, do it. But I want you to study good French because we will need it. Dear Pulen’ka if it is not difficult for you please try to find out how much the trip from Paris to Hamburg costs. I need to know it. Pushman is going to travel with me to Paris and from there to America. He doesn’t know anything about you, and I don’t want him to know before our arrival that we are going to America. Why Pulen’ka you don’t answer my question in my recent letters?
Is it so that you think it is unnecessary to answer those questions? Have you written to Tsillie about what I wanted you to write? I am warning you please be careful that nobody can read my letters, and please always notify me about receiving of my letters. During this week I have sent to you already two letters and two postcards. Did you receive them? How is it going? How is life? Please write more letters to me, your letters will make me feel stronger these two months.